This Is Gospel
by rosslynchdramaseeker
Summary: "My heart beats a sad tune. Someday it will stop. I tried to fit in, then I tried to be someone I wanted to be, but no one can fit in. It turns everyone against you. You start to realize that no matter how much you think of yourself as superman. You will always be victim to the kryptonite." Warning: Suicide Mentioned. Based off This Is Gospel by Panic At The Disco.


**Hey everyone. So I have some sad news. I am no longer going to be writing my other 3 stories. I know. I am so sorry but I have no inspiration for them anymore. I can't write them. Sorry guys. But I will be finishing My Savior, My Juliet but it is going to be much shorter then it was going to be originally. If you want to know what I was going to do with the other stories (When I Looked Into Your Eyes and I Just Met You, But I Think I Love You) then you can come ask me on Twitter. **

**But I do have some good news. I am not stopping writing all together. I am just going to write one-shots for now. I just feel like I do better when I can put everything in one chapter. **

**So I will be taking one-shot, two-shot, and possibly three-shot ideas. Someday I will get back in to writing full length stories but for now this is what I want to do and I hope you all are okay with that.**

**Anyway enough of that stuff.**

**I don't know if you guys have heard the song T****_his Is Gospel by Panic At The Disco_****, if you haven't go listen to it if you want. I do know what the song has been said to actually be about, but I have a personal interpretation of it that is somewhat different. When I first heard it, I thought it was a song from the point of view of somebody who was attempting to commit suicide: with "If you love me, let me go" being a plea to their family member/significant other/etc. to "let them go" from their life. The doctors in the video sort of reinforced that for me, since they were portrayed as holding him back and not letting him go. And the line "The fear of falling apart," which was repeated many times throughout the song, could have been talking about being afraid of hitting a breaking point and breaking down before he could do anything about it.**

**So I bet you can guess where this one-shot is going?**

**THIS IS IN AUSTINS POV (with Ally talking at the end. This is suppose to be a suicide note)  
**

**Without Farther A Due-**

**This Is Gospel**

* * *

_This is gospel for the fallen ones_

_locked away in permanent slumber_

_Assembling their philosophy_

_from pieces of broken memories _

You don't know this. But I am breaking. Everywhere I look all I see is hate. I feel like everyone is judging me. I feel like I am just to weak to be here. Don't cry though. Not everyone is made to be something great, and sometimes they fall apart. It is the fact of life. So many before me have lost the control. Control to speak up. Control to be who they wanted to be. Control to live. Memories plague the happiness. I can't remember ever truly being happy. Not one good memory. When you feel this way. Nothing can be happy. Nothing.

_Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart _

_The gnashing teeth and criminal tongues conspire against the odds_

_But they haven't seen the best of us yet_

My heart beats a sad tune. Someday it will stop. You can't know. I tried to fit in, then I tried to be someone I wanted to be, but no one can fit in. No one like me. You can't be yourself. It turns everyone against you. You start to realize that no matter how much you think of yourself as superman. You will always be victim to the kryptonite. No one is made to be special. I don't care many times you hear it or even if you begin to believe it. It is just not a fact of life. You are different just like everyone else. The best of you or me is never going to be seen. No matter how hard I try. No matter what I do. No matter the great things I could do. I am nothing. Nothing special. So I might be a superstar but if I am special then how come everyone else around me are too?

_If you love me let me go  
_

_If you love me let me go  
_

_'Cause these words are knives and often leave scars  
_

_The fear of falling apart  
_

_And truth be told, I never was yours  
_

_The fear, the fear of falling apart_

This is not a cry for help. No one should. People say that if you need them they are there but did you know once you leave they start talking about you. They change when they are around you? Just because they promise everything is going to be okay, it isn't. Just let me go. I don't want to burden you. I know that's all I will ever be. If I tell you my problems then you will start to worry about me. I don't want you to do that. I just want it to end. I just want to bleed. Bleed the troubles out of my skin. Bleed into nonexistence. The fear of falling apart keeps me going. But why? Why don't I just break off that last piece of myself? Why don't I just die? Death.

_Oh, this is the beat of my heart, this is the beat of my heart_

Hearts beating create troubles. The soul is used to feel things. I only feel the bad. I only beat the bad. My heart leaps with depression.

_Don't try to sleep through the end of the world  
_

_And bury me alive  
_

_'Cause I won't give up without a fight_

I say I want to die right? Yes. I do. But that is to cliche. To normal. I wont just kill myself. I will see life off until the end. End is soon. But the fight to get there is far. I will fight for my death. I wont leave in a small way. Bury me alive. I am already dead. I am not myself. Never was. I act to make you happy. Acting. Definition: Pretending to someone else. I just. I just. I just want. Everything to end. Ending the world I live.

End

This

Pain,

End

The

Expectations,

End

Everything

I

Have

Become,

GoodBye.

_ The fear of falling apart_

* * *

She fell to the ground. Ally found this paper. Next to her boyfriends dead body. "The last thing I have of Austin. My Austin. Killed himself. Slit every part of my wrists. He felt like he couldn't even fit in. Felt like he couldn't be the person I loved. I can't believe this. I don't know what to feel. Maybe I shouldn't be sad. He wanted it. He ended his life on his own terms. But I will never get to hold him in my arms. Never see those hazel eyes. Never run my hands through his blonde hair again. Never anything. All because everyone made him feel like nothing. Like he could be nothing." Ally sobbed. Change has to happen to stop this._  
_

* * *

**So I guess there was my little PSA about suicide and making others feel like nothing. It has to stop. I did something a little over a month ago and am lucky to be sitting here writing this now. I felt like everything on this page. Like nothing and like I can't even be something.  
**

**No one should feel this way.**

**Don't forget to love and laugh.  
**

**You don't know everyone's stories so make them feel apart of something. Anything.  
**

**Times need to change. I don't care who you are. You are important. Don't let anyone tell you different or not show you that. **

**Don't be who you don't want to be, but also remember you were put here to do something amazing. Everyone is capable of greatness**

**Love,**

**Keely **


End file.
